Once More, With Feeling
by Exilo
Summary: At long last, the third instalment of my SSB stuff! How does someone like Wolf go about investigating his "family" for a potential sociopath who attempted to murder two of his friends...Out source of course. Complete, WHOOO! Read and Review please.
1. Chapter 1

**This is the third part of my SSB stuff. I would strongly advise that you read ****Of Men and Mewtwo**** then ****Halloween Havoc****. This is a continuation; both are in my profile for your reading pleasure. Hope you enjoy, and if you really don't want to read my prior stuff, Wolf will fill you in. Isn't he nice.**

_Chapter 1_

Samus enjoyed a substantial height advantage over nearly everyone in the mansion. Ganandorf, Snake, they may have been taller, but their anti-social and often hostile behaviors meant anyone rarely had contact with them. Falcon was a few inches her superior, but with relative ease she could put him on the ground and keep him there, so it never bothered her much. What had happened to him between the second and third tournament, she didn't know, but he was a positively horrible fighter as of late.

When the doorbell rang, she was in the "good guy" living room (closest to the front door), so she answered it, not sure who could possibly come to visit. Perhaps Bowser jr. here to see his daddy. Perhaps Donkey Kong had forgotten his keys again, the fact that he refused to wear pants didn't help matters in the slightest. Or perhaps it was Popo playing a prank, and she would find him in the bush beside the door, giggling hysterically at how clever he was. Bowser wasn't the best influence on the child.

"Greetings, I am the Arbiter."

The alien she was now face to chest with absolutely towered over, she guessed he would be well over eight and a half feet tall if he weren't hunching over, just so that she could make eye contact with him. She took a step back, nervous, scared at his size, not even regretting displaying weakness in front of this new threat. He was reptilian in features: hoofed feet, hunched stature, jaw bone replaced with a duo of mandibles on either side that clicked with seemingly no deeper meaning, and opened to speak like she would use her lips. He wore what was clearly armor, even on his alien physique, decorative gold in color with a Kevlar like bodysuit underneath, and Samus cursed that she was wearing only jeans and a tank top (at Wolf's innocent insistence). It wasn't until she looked down to his waist and noticed the hilt of what was no doubt some sort of weapon that she slammed the door and pressed her back to it should this monster try to break through.

"I need a weapon," she muttered.

The doorbell rang again, there was a knock on the door. She put a sharp kick into the leg of a nearby table, snatching it up into a makeshift bludgeon. Wolf wandered into the room to see what all the fuss was about.

"The girl scouts selling cookies again?"

"There's a monster," Samus said calmly. She looked at his belt, and the holstered oversized blaster worn proudly. A preferable weapon to her cudgel. He didn't resist as she snatched it up, looked it over, and pressed it to the door.

"Monster? About nine feet tall looking kind of like the Predators from the movies? You must mean Arbiter, he gets that a lot." Wolf gently pushed her away and opened the door. The alien clicked his mandible, hunching even further so that he could better see Wolf. Wolf stepped aside, the alien stepped in. His height was even more overwhelming, now in the smallness of the room. Wolf hardly seemed concerned. "I was afraid you wouldn't find this place."

"Your coordinates were quite informative. Is there a reason why the female is staring at me?"

Samus shook her head to regain her sense, and backed away, permitting the alien to stalk deeper inside. He was huge. Built like a tank. Well, Bowser was built like a tank. The alien was a bit slimmer, a bit lighter, and there was an inexcusable degree of grace to his movements, like a scalpel in a doctor's hand. At the moment, she was too concerned with his presence to come up with a vehicular metaphor to describe him.

"Don't mind her, she's just a wee bit shy. Don't let the Daisy Duke outfit fool you though; she's a killer at heart. Got a body count that would put Truth to shame. Two whole acts of genocides, you guys couldn't even kill off the humans."

"What is he doing here?" Samus demanded.

"Arbiter is going to help me with my investigation." He took a piece of paper, neatly folded into a small square, and handed it to the alien. With surprisingly dexterous fingers, the alien opened and read it. "This is your identification, got special permission from the big guy to have you here. If anyone asks, your name is Leon Powalski, you're part of Star Wolf."

"Wolf," Samus interrupted. "No one is going to believe that. Leon is green."

"No one is going to ask," he growled.

"Brother," the Arbiter interrupted. "The reason for my presence was not elaborated on. You just said, 'Get your scaly ass over here now.' It was only in the succeeding message that told me where 'here' is. Where are we anyway?"

"No one really knows," Wolf said, rubbing his chin. "Anyway, a few months ago, Mewtwo, that cat looking monster I sent you a profile on, was nearly beaten to death in the simulator, because of a glitch in the system. At least that's what everyone has accepted. About a month later, Lucario passes out, falls off a water fall, cracks his head open and gets a pretty nasty concussion. There, now you are as up to date as everyone else."

"I still am not sure why you have called me here?"

"I want you to investigate a little. Look around. Figure out whose doing it. Everyone believes it was just accidents. I suspect something, something bad."

"Why not have one of your compatriots do it? I have heard that the one called _Solid_ Snake is quite paranoid. Why not use him?"

"For all I know, he's the one who did it. He's not that found of Lucario. I need a pair of neutral eyes, a third party. Someone who has no past with anyone, no grudges or infatuations."

"I have past experiences with you."

"I didn't do it," Wolf explained. "Therefore, you have no reason to investigate me. I've been looking around on and off, but with the tournament and the courtship of Samus Aran, I'm kind of busy. Besides, I've grown too close to these idiots. I can't take a step back anymore."

"I am not busy, after all. All I'm doing is raising a shattered species up from the dust, building a bond with our former enemies, and attempting to exterminate the last remnants of Loyalists from our galaxy."

"Well, the important thing is that you're not busy."

The Arbiter thought to himself, clicking his mandibles once or twice. "You truly believe that something is amiss?"

"Yes. You can take my room," Wolf said. "I'll be staying with Samus."

"What?"

"We all have to make sacrifices, my pet."

"Why can't you and the alien share a room."

"Look at the size of him. I've only got the new guy bachelor pads. You've got one of the vet suites, plenty of room for little old me."

The Arbiter watched closely as Samus took Wolf by the collar and lifted him off the ground. Impressive, even for a human of her stature. "Set one foot into my room, and I'll castrate you. Go stay with Link if you're so lonely."

"Brother," the Arbiter interrupted again. "I really don't have time for this, I would just like to show why your paranoia is unfounded and return to my duties. I left leadership of my people in Rtas' hands and he isn't exactly known for his diplomacy."

Wolf huffed, turning and walking out, with the Arbiter following after, leaving Samus alone.

"You set the number of bots you want to fight at this terminal," Wolf said. "Set their aggression too. Then you press go. It takes a few seconds, so you walk into the center and get ready. Bots come down, fight. You beat them up. A fail safe is meant to prevent any severe damage, but it's still advisable to not go in alone. Course, people who live around here don't usually follow directions too well. I dare you, tell Lucus not to touch a hot stove and see what happens."

The Arbiter squatted to his haunches, tracing a long finger over the control panel beneath the computer. There was a fresh pad lock, which snapped away when he took hold of it and closed his fist. Lowering to his hands and knees, he closely examined the assorted wires, long neck weaving from side to side. He had to cock his head to the side to see better.

"Has anyone touched this?"

"I opened it up right after the Mewtwo affair. Other than that, not to my knowledge, but its not like we have cameras. It would be pretty easy for someone to come along when everyone is asleep. I put the padlock on, but its not that hard to pick. Or break."

Balancing on his knees and one hand, a considerable feat given his size, the Arbiter stretched two fingers into the wires. His hand was too large for him to see what he was doing, so he just felt around. Growling softly, he ordered Wolf to shine his flashlight into the opening. "There's a hair," he noticed.

Wolf's dexterous fingers and smaller claw found the clue, and pulled it out into the light. "No luck, its one of mine."

"And you are sure that you had nothing to do with what happened?"  
"Like I just told you, I checked this out right after Mewtwo got beaten up. I'm covered in fur and it was summer when it happened. What do you expect? I molt all over the place."

The Arbiter would have pressed the matter further, but he felt a light weight pounce onto his back, and an energetic, youthful voice shout, "Horsey!"

He couldn't crane his neck at the proper angle to see anything more than a pink parka and a waving, mitten laden hand, and a cleat boot whose heel jabbed him in the side. He pushed himself upright, and the tiny body tumbled off his back. He turned to see a beady eyed child staring up at him, lying casually on the floor. She was tiny, barely reaching the bend of his knee, yet carried a hammer on her back as big as her as if it were nothing. And she didn't show the slightest hint of fear at him, which was odd. Actually, she seemed blissfully unaware of everything.

"That's not nice," she scolded, standing up.

"What is with these people?" he asked of Wolf, who was greatly enjoying the scene. Feeling a weight on his left leg, he noticed the Eskimo child was trying to climb up, using his armor and the unique shape of his skeleton as easy as some would use a ladder. Then she was leaping to his arm, scurrying up, and coming to rest on his shoulder. Stubby arms wrapped around his neck and she gave him an affectionate kiss on the cheek, at the base of the mandibles. He was so dumbstruck by the unwarranted act, he didn't even move to swat her away.

"I'm not sure, I think they may put something in the water that makes so many of us act out of character and build relationships with our sworn enemies. I mean, if Samus and I were to ever meet in the real world, I'm fairly certain we would try to kill each other. You now, more so than usual."

The Arbiter shook his head.

"Who are you?" the pink girl asked. "I'm Nana."

The Arbiter looked to the wolf, hoping for some sort of answer, or at least him moving to take the little girl's focus. He was not about to give his name as Leon, so he sighed and said, "I am the Arbiter."

"I like you the Arbiter," she said, hugging him again around the neck. She even left her perch and just let herself hang. He took her by the collar and put her back on the ground, while she giggled. At least she stopped trying to climb all over him.

"There is definitely something in the water," Wolf nodded.


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2_

"I tried the eating area, and found Dedede and GW arguing about whose hammer is bigger. I think, I can't really understand what 'Quack, wack'-'BEEEPP' means, but they kept holding their mallets up and yelling. So my next stop was the living room, where I found Lucas and Olimar arguing about the paradoxes present in the of the Terminator films. Lastly, in the Bad Guy Lounge, I found Wario and Ganondorf doing…something that is not easily put into words." She shivered. "I wouldn't recommend going into the North wing bathroom for at least a day. After looking all over this god forsaken mansion, I have to ask, why do you always come to the freezer? Why not just go to the gym? Is it so that no one will find you, because we will it'll just take a while." Bare skin, as Samus still wore a more revealing outfit than normal, was chapped and more than once she rubbed her chest and arms to keep the circulation up. By the density of the frost present on his fur, she would say that Wolf had been in here for at least half an hour.

"You can feel the tendons, the muscle, the bone, yield better when you beat the crap out of a slab of meat, more than if you hit a bag," Wolf explained, though didn't break stride in the slightest. "Besides, I'm tenderizing the meat. Makes it taste better. Ain't it great when something can be better just by hitting it?"

"Are you hungry? You want to get something to eat?"

That made Wolf stop. He thought to himself, looked at his boots, twitched his ears, and resumed punching.

"Its bothering you, isn't it?" Samus asked.

"That you're still here? Yeah, it is."

"This whole thing, that you still suspect someone tried to kill Mewtwo and Lucario. I have to admit, this is weird. I mean, if someone made an attempt on your life I figure you would go after them like a hound from hell. If you were afraid someone was going to make an attempt on your life, you would just round up everyone in the mansion and beat the crap out of them to make a point. But this, you haven't been targeted and there's no evidence that you are next, if its anyone at all, so why are you so bothered by this?"

"See the fur, the teeth, the claws? I'm a wolf; it's in my nature to watch out for the pack."

"You think we're your pack? That's so cute."

"Yep, and you're my mate, what's another name for a wolf's mate?"

"We haven't mated yet," she said.

Wolf's ear's twitched. "Of course we haven't."

"Do I have to keep my doors locked?"

"Like I can't pick a lock. Look Sammy, for better or worse, I spend enough time with you idiots that I have come to view you as my territory. Now so long as you are my territory, I will slaughter any twit who decides to mess with you."

"But you suspect one of us as the wrong doer?"

"That's where the hierarchy comes in. See, I'm the alpha, and you're my bitch. Mewtwo, Link, Bowser, Nana, they're my betas, my second in commands, the guys and gals I like. Now whoever is doing this has fucked with one of my betas, and that can't be let go. Everyone else is a gamma or omega or however the hell it goes. I don't really care about them too much, but I'll protect em."

"You want to get something to drink or not?"

"No, I want to beat the crap out of this slab of beef. Can't you see that?"

"Fine, you can do that. But let's talk. What do Mewtwo and Lucario have in common?"

"They are pokemon," Wolf offered.

"Alright, so who has a grudge against pokemon?"

"Red, he's a trainer after all. Maybe he wants to catch 'em all. Ganandorf may have done it, simply because he's a dick. R.O.B. was sick of them shedding on the couch. Face it Samus, look hard enough and everyone has a motive. Hell, I'm a dog, Mewtwo is a cat. May as well put my name on that little list yours."

"Then how do you propose we go about finding who has been doing this?"

"I already brought Arbiter in, just let him look around. He's good at watching people, he'll find the link that we're missing."

"What link is that?"

"If I knew, it wouldn't be missing." He sighed, leaning back. "I've got a match tomorrow against Fox. I don't have time to be bothered by this crap."

But he was bothered. Fox was a good fighter, Samus would make no implications about his skill, but Wolf should do a better job than what he was doing now. He was vicious and brutal, clawing and snapping like a wild animal and still had as much fury as he ever did. Wolf was a monster really, an animal, but that was the problem. He wasn't just fighting like an animal, he was thinking like one. He lacked the grace, the intelligence, the keenness to his movements that defied his style. Tactical slashes gave way to blind aggression. Samus could see his every mistake clearly in the big screen television that showed a live feed of the match. Worse, Fox saw this too.

He was peppering Wolf with shots, and Wolf just charged through only to get a boot to the jaw that sent him reeling. Roaring and snapping, he clawed and scrapped, and Fox had a merry time dancing around him. Even when he fell into a familiar rhythm of clawing, smashing, chucking Fox across the platform like Bowser would Ness, he just didn't have the finesse to press the attack. When Fox booted him off the platform, he fell a long time before activating the jet pack on his back. He shot through the air, only to misjudge his direction and crack his head against the bottom of the stage. His pained howl echoed a long time, even after the match was declared over and the screen faded to black.

---

"I don't want to talk about it," Wolf snarled as he passed Samus, who leaned smugly against the wall.

"Talk about what? That pathetic match that you were just in? I mean, I've seen bad. I don't think anyone will ever forget that passive resistance tactic that Link tried against Zelda."

"Little fag," Wolf muttered under his breath.

"But he had the excuse of fighting the woman he loved. You are just acting stupid."

"Don't I have the right to be stupid? Can't I have my moments of fault? I just want to find out what happening before someone gets blown up, alright?"

"You want to get a drink?"

"What is with you and drinking, that is not the answer to all life's problems!" Wolf shouted.

"I am trying to get you to go out on a date, you stupid little mutt."

"Oh?"

---

"So your name is the Arbiter? That's a funny name. You're funny!"

"Actually, my title is 'the Arbiter'. I relinquished my name when I failed to take Installation 004 from the human guerrillas and their Demon. It was destroyed and I was shamed for my lack of action, my failure. My name and rank was stripped from me. I was to be executed, but given a chance to redeem myself by taking the title of Arbiter and dying a noble death in battle. However, I uncovered a massive, long reaching conspiracy, allied with my sworn enemies, and saved the galaxy, but my past life is lost forever."

"That's sad. Do you want a hug?"

"Who are you again?"

"I'm Nana. I'm here with my brother, but he's off hanging with Bowser. I want my own giant lizard person to hang out with."

"I am not your pet, tiny pink human."

"Okay, I can be your pet if you want."

"I don't want anything, I just want to perform my investigation so that I can leave. Wolf is a comrade of mine, I am here as a favor, and in the hopes he will feel obligated to aid me in the future. Someone like Wolf can be quite useful."

"What investigation is that?"

"The one of you who is attacking your comrades. Wolf seems to believe that foul play is involved with the attack on the ones called Mewtwo and Lucario, the feline and the jackal humanoids."

"Super-cat and Anubis?"

The Arbiter sighed and shook his head, looking around the mess hall, hoping to find the attacker as well as someone to pass the child on to, but fate was not smiling on him today. No one seemed surprise by his presence. There were occasional whispers and hisses, particularly between a pink piece of chewing gum and a big eyed, green garbed cartoon child, but for the most part no one seemed to mind. But no one was coming up to him either. Whenever he passed the one called Mewtwo in the hallway, they both froze and engaged in a sort of stare down, until the Arbiter, having no interest in a fight, stepped aside, allowing the feline to walk past.

"Do you really think it was someone?"

"No, but I am not very good at seeing the sinister undertones of people who claim to be my comrades."

"I am!" she shouted. "I think it was Jigglypuff! There is something shifty about her hair."

"What is a Jigglypuff?"

"She's sitting over there. About a foot in diameter, big green eyes, Elvis style hair. Not Kirby, Kirby is a darker shade of pink and wears shoes."

"Why do all of you decide to take a lunch break at the same time?"

"I don't know. It would really be better if we had a schedule set up or something. That way we wouldn't have all the brawls. See the big nosed guy with green undershirt and hat? That's Luigi, he's Mario's brother and is in a relationship with Daisy, but has an unrealized crush on Peach as well as Zelda. He's about to collide with the blue penguin, that's Dedede. Dedede is mad because as it turns out, his hammer is smaller than GW's so he's just itching for a fight. Now once I finish this sentence, Blue and Green are going to collide."

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING YOU LITTLE GREEN-TARD!"

"Now, normally, Luigi would just grit his teeth and take it like a prison bitch. But Mario got the last of the spaghetti so he was forced to take the ziti. You cannot believe how angry he is. Now! Here comes Mario to defend his brother."

The Arbiter watched, with some level of interest, as the big nosed green one looked down and cringed as the overweight penguin began a verbal berate. A red one, looking a bit like the green one but shorter and plumper, waddled over, only to get a fist across the jaw, not from the penguin, but from the green one.

"Is this always how your breakfasts go?" the Arbiter asked, calmly ducking his head to avoid a green missile, shrieking across the cafeteria. Certainly the short red one was not to be triffled with. He picked Nana up around the ribs between his index finger and inner thumb and placed her at his opposite side, so he could easier catch any additional projectiles. For better or worse, she was an innocent, and he felt an urge to protect something so delicate.

"No, usually Roy starts something. He's a wee bit sensitive about getting the pink slip."


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3_

The Arbiter was fortunate to find Mewtwo and Lucario together, practicing some sort of martial art, something more spiritual and graceful than what he had seen the humans perform. More like a dance, the way the arms swung, the feet moved in graceful rhythme. Fortunate because it meant one less interview. Mewtwo was tall, but not as tall as him. A little less than seven feet tall, with a muscular bulk and sharp senses. Lucario was tiny, not even breaking the five foot mark. His build could best be described as scrawny, little tiny matchstick arms and a narrow, almost feminine chest. Both had the assets to hold their own against the alien, possibly best him even. But he wasn't here to fight, and had no real desire to. He was respectful, placing an fist over his chest in a gesture of respect for his people. The two pokemon seemed to understand the alien act, or at least didn't decide to attack.

"_I don't know who it could be," _Mewtwo said in his usual voiceless way. Sort of like having a radio sound off in your skull. The Arbiter got used to it. "_I am not even sure that it is someone. I love Wolf like a brother, but he tends to be overly suspicious at times."_

_"_And yet from what I understand, he was the only one to realize Link's suspicions of your involvement with the princess?"

"_He also believed that it was Link that rigged the simulator, but I scanned every inch of the youth's mind and found not a trace of guilt."_

"Have you read everyone's mind to relieve them of suspicion?"

"_I have, with a few. Unfortunately, some of them have very strong mental barriers, and some of them have politely requested that I not invade their personal space in such a manner. No lasting harm was done to me. It is no real problem."_

"If you had to suspect someone." The Arbiter shifted uneasily from hoof to hoof. There was something he didn't like about these pokemon. Something that told him to be wary. "Who would it be?"

"_I would suspect Wolf_," Mewtwo said. "_A mind like Wolf's I have never encountered. One could easily excuse him as a brute, he has a very direct way of thinking and relies a great deal on force, but there is something deeper to him. He's able to see complexities that others would pass over. He has a certain cunning to him, an intelligence, a viciousness that is not easily defined or countered_."

"If only he would use his powers for good instead of evil_,"_ Lucario said, speaking for the first time.

"Thank you for your time," the Arbiter said with a low bow. "And I am pleased to know that you have both recovered nicely."

Next the Arbiter found Wolf and someone who looked a great deal like Wolf, only with orange as the dominate fur pattern and both eyes, green instead of purple, in the kitchen. They had placed a table in the center, two seats at either side, and apparently pushed a duo of stoves so they rested close. Said stoves must have been on, because the burners glowed a bright orange. Their right hands were clasped together, and their elbows were bent and touching the table. Their left forearms where over the smoking, shimmering heat of the stove, tied with handkerchief to keep them from pulling away. The smell of burnt fur overwhelmed the Arbiter, even as he approached from down the hallway. Both Wolf and the orange Wolf were gritting their teeth, growling, huffing, sobbing.

"Do I even want to know?" the Arbiter asked.

"What do you want," Wolf asked, cringing, swallowing sob after sob as he struggled to pin the vulpine's arm. The vulpine struggled just as intently, sobbed just as much. The Arbiter watched as the layer of fur on each's forearm began to singe away, exposing the pale skin underneath, quickly charring black.

"I know about burns. You really will want to move your arms."

"What do you want?" Wolf demanded. Losing his concentration allowed the vulpine to nearly pin him, knuckles hovered less than an inch from defeat. Gritting his teeth and straining his muscles he returned to the stalemate.

"I am not sure we should discuss the matter. Can the vulpine be trusted?"

"You tell me?"

The Arbiter looked to the fox. "It seems doubtful. If the vulpine were to rewire the simulator, he would have had to work rather extensively, crossing wires and such. If a stray strand of your fur was caught in the wires simply by opening the door, I would doubt that the vulpine would manage to keep not a trace free, even if he took certain precautions. His arms weren't shaved the following weeks, correct?"

"That is correct." Wolf strained, clamped his jaw so tight his teeth nearly shattered, and pinned the vulpine's hand down for a full three seconds. With a howl of victory, he cut his arm free, screamed in agony as he looked at the melted skin, and ran to the freezer to bury the burn in ice. The vulpine's eyes rolled back into his head and he passed out. The Arbiter squatted to his haunches and touched a finger to the vulpine's throat. Sensing a heartbeat, he ran a towel under cold water, then wrapped the burn gently.

"What was the point of that?" the Arbiter had to ask.

Wolf took a dozen deep breaths. "Little pussy Fox has to be putzing around, bragging about his victory. I needed to remind him who is the alpha."

"So you give yourself a third degree burn while beating him at arm wrestling?"

"You're right, because that's completely different than what you did." A claw tapped the Arbiter's well armored chest. "So you've ruled out Fox?"

"More or less. The lack of physical evidence at the scenes would seem to remove several of you more…furry specimens. Further, there is the nature of the crimes, attacking indirectly. It lacks intimacy. Not a thrill kill, the assailant didn't want to feel it, which would take out some of your more sinister comrades. I would say who ever did it was angry with Mewtwo and Lucario, but lacked confidence in their own abilities enough to attack them directly."

"Fuck," Wolf muttered. "It was Link."

"Or, to them, it was simply about business, nothing personal. These crimes could be passed over as accidents and mishaps. If not for your extremely paranoid state of mind, they probably would have been. I would like to ask you about the one called Nana. I was reading her history. Her parents were killed under mysterious circumstances when she was at…'camp'?"

"Most of us lost someone. Except for me, I killed my parents. But you already knew that."

"And you are positive that you had nothing to do with it?"

"Arbiter, I am not a subtle person. If I wanted to kill Mewtwo, I would have walked over and cut his necks."

"Nana seems to have an intimate knowledge of several of your compatriots, and had several theories. She suggested Jigglypuff as the culprit."

"Jigglypuff is a pokemon, why would she want to kill her two Ubermensche's?"

"Why do you constantly chase after Samus as if you are a broken puppy? Its undignified."

In bizarre timing, Samus entered the room, a moment before the lights flickered out and the entire mansion went black. Wolf was first to react to the darkness, with a monotone "What the fuck?" He sparked his lighter, offering the slightest illumination in the vast sea of ink. It was only when the Arbiter ignited his energy blade that they were offered enough glow to see each other.

"Samus, where did you get that knife?" Wolf asked.

Samus looked down at the blade, the shine catching the reflective glow of the energy blade. "We're in a kitchen. Why are you acting so jumpy."

"I don't know, it feels like we're in a horror movie sometimes. I was expecting the lights to come back on and one of us to have been killed in a way that is ironic to our character."

"You watch too much television, brother."

"Can we please find out whats wrong with the lights?" Samus shouted.

"Why do you care? You're immune to the killer's wrath. You're still a virgin. Arbiter and I are the only one in danger."

The glow of the Arbiter's sword didn't stretch far enough in the dark that he could make out what happened, but he heard knuckles muffled on fur and a rather pained yelp, and a moment later when the lights came back on, Wolf was on the ground, rubbing his cheek.

"Have you done any investigation to the end that Ms. Aran is the assailant?"

"Samus was in the shower during the Lucario incident."

"How do you know that brother?"

"That's not important."

Samus cuffed him over the ear like a master would a dog.

"If you will excuse me brother," the Arbiter said, bowing, sheathing his sword and stalking off.

Wolf's arm returned to the cool embrace of the ice box. "Something I've been meaning to ask you, how do you know the alien? You seem to know a lot of people without any prior reference."

"What do you mean. I'm a space faring wolf. It's perfectly logical that I should have some encounters with a variety of fellow spacemen. A better question is, when in any of our dialogues would I have brought up my relationship with the Arbiter?"

---

Jigglypuff's usual meal consisted of lollipops, ice cream, Twinkies, three cinnamon buns, and a Black Forest cake. Every lunch she was watched with a disturbing degree of dedication, Pichu and Popo drooling over the assortment of sweets that adorned her table. She gobbled them down with enthusiasm that rivaled Kirby.

"I still say it was Red," she said through massive bites. Mewtwo had long granted the pokemon fluency in languages, but only Jigglypuff regularly used the gift. She was more human than the others, he guessed that had something to do with it. "You sure you don't want any of this?"

Beside her, Mewtwo sat, holding a cup of steaming green tea to his lips and sipping without a sound. "_No, junk food goes straight to my thighs._"

"Pi!" Pichu shouted.

Jigglypuff cut into the Black Forest cake, putting a piece the size of the rodent's whole body in front of him. Not on a plate, simply on the table, chocolate smearing on wood. R.O.B. would be furious as he used his vast array of cleaning supplies to get the brown stain out.

"I mean, Red is a pokemon trainer. We're pokemon. Do you see the connection?"

"_We are only worth catching if we are alive. Besides, wouldn't it seem rather suspicious if Red caught a Lucario following Lucario disappearance? And I'm a collector's item. It is not as if he could get away with it."_

"Then maybe it's Link. We know why he went after you. He went after Lucario to throw us off the trail. It's the perfect crime."

Pichu nibbled happily on the chocolate cake. Eyes rolled into the back of his head as he entered certain sweet ecstasy that Mewtwo paid no mind to.

"_What is your interest in this? You are beginning to sound like Wolf. Perhaps they were simply accidents."_

"Perhaps they were not. Why are you so laid back about this? You should be furious. Are you sure that you're the man in your relationship?"

"_Actually, I, nor Mew, has a gender_."

Jigglypuff inflated in a gesture that he was aware meant frustration. "I'm scared I might be next."

Neither noticed as Pichu's spasms of sugary bliss became more violent, his eyes turned completely white, flecks of drool lined his lips and his tongue popped out of his mouth. He leaned a little heavier on his rump, then feel back.

"I've been in hiding the past few months. I only leave my room when I have a match."

"_Or to eat_."

"I don't want to die on an empty stomach." She reached for the knife to cut her own slab of cake, briefly looking to Pichu, and the furious tremor he was in. "Pichu?"


	4. Chapter 4

_Chapter 4_

"Explain to me again why we are sharing a room, please."

Wolf sighed. "I gave Arbiter my room. You vets get the suites, I figured you had the room. So here I am. Besides, you owe me for teaching you to waltz."

"But why couldn't you stay with someone else. Bowser? Or Mr. McCloud?"

"Why in god's name would I want to stay with Bowser? He snores. What's the matter, elf, don't you like me?"

"No, Mr. O'Donnell. I really, really don't."

"Are you still mad about your latent homosexuality? That's something you have to take care of yourself, no sense in getting mad at me."

"I am not gay, Mr. O'Donnell. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I am not. And I would like it if you would stop using such derogatory terms to describe me."

"Have you done the test?" Wolf asked, tail wagging curiously, a sinister grin spread across his lips, a grin that Link absolutely hated. In his homelands, he had seen the feral dogs tear apart a wounded steed, snapping and biting and rending and tearing, and when they were done and licked the blood away from their muzzles, he saw that same grin.

"What test?" he asked. He took his sword off the wall, and slipped it over his shoulders.

"The gay test of course. It's the only way to know for sure."

"I really don't like where this is going."

"Or do you love where this is going? One test, and it will tell me all I need."

Link knew better than to trust the lupine, with his grin and shifting mechanical eye, the ever present blue glow. "What's the test?"

"You have to commit to it fully, are you prepared to do it?"

"No, but if it will stop you, I will take my chances."

Wolf wasn't the fastest of the smashers. He had the endurance to run for miles, but he lacked a certain grace, a certain speed that Sonic or Falcon or even Zelda in her other form claimed. But he had fast hands, he could move his claws like lightning, and like lightning, he took hold of Link's collar and pulled him down. An extended boot tripped Link, and Wolf turned him so he would have landed on his back, had Wolf not kept a very firm grip on his tunic. Then, shifting his grip to the back of his head, Wolf leaned down and touched his muzzle to Link's lips.

Shock prevented any resistance for a good minute as the thick muscle of the lupine explored the elf's mouth. It was comparable to swallowing a hot wash cloth, the density and the slimy warmth, moving around, exploring every inch, against his cheek, against the roof, against his own tongue. His scream was muffled as the tongue moved further down his throat, nearly choking him. The tongue brushed his uvula and he had the urge to vomit. His hands beat at Wolf's skull, but Wolf just pressed further, and Link started to wonder just how long his tongue possibly could be. It felt like it was sliding all the way down to his stomach.

At last it stopped. Wolf let go of Link. Link simply collapsed on the ground, eyes wide, backing away in shock and disgust and Wolf wiped his mouth of excess drool.

"Did you like that?" he asked.

"No!"

"Then you're not gay, and I will stop making fun of you."

Link twisted to all fours and vomited sticky muck onto the floor. "Please, in the name of Farore, tell me that you take bathes like a normal person."

"What is normal in this crazy mansion?"

Link lunged, but it was an obvious attack, and Wolf merely sidestepped, allowing Link to stumble to the ground. He stood up, choking and coughing out any residual taste. He vomited again, but this time contained the bile to a waist paper basket. "I never want to see you in my room again. If I ever even see you again, I'll castrate you."

"Why does everyone keep telling me that?" he asked. He side stepped a swing of the Master Sword, before gathering up what few personal items he had brought with him and casually walked out.

"Samus," he said, knocking on her door.

The door opened fully, to display Samus wearing a tank top and denim pants, her whip/pistol in her waist band. It must have been the Arbiter's presence. She always got so jumpy when newcomers came around. It had taken her a good month to warm up to Wolf. "What do you want?"

"Link kicked me out, can I stay with you?"

"Why did he kick you out?" she asked, annoyed.

"You know him, the slightest little thing and he just throws a hissy fit. I swear, how he ever became a hero is a mystery."

"Good bye, Wolf," she said, attempting to close the door, but found his boot blocking it.

"Please. I'll be a good little mutt for you. I'll sleep at the foot of your bed, I won't chew on your slippers, I'll even get you the morning news."

She sighed, as if momentarily undecided. "I am going to regret this," she muttered as she opened the door and stepped aside.

With two tournaments to her name, Samus was given one of the mansions suites. While Wolf's personal quarters were barely larger than seven by seven feet, lacking anything save a bed and a dresser, she had a luxurious bathroom, a bed room/ living room, and a walk in closet. Why she had a walk in closet was anyone guess, seeing as she only had three outfits.

"Never picked you for a junkie," Wolf said, taking up a bottle of pills and shaking them to achieve the desired rattle. Samus reached for his wrist to pop the joint, but Wolf danced to his side and continued shaking. "Pain killers, what happened?"

"I had a match with Snake. He doesn't always hold back like he should, cracked my back weird with his CQC."

"These aren't going to do much good. Problem with drugs is they kill, don't heal. Why do you let me show you something?"

"Why the hell would I trust you?"

"Come on luv. I'll fuck with Link, but you scare me. When you say you'll turn me into a fur coat, I can imagine you sharpening your knife."

She stretched a little. The kink in her back wasn't really bothersome, but she was ever conscious of it when she shifted or stretched. It was an old injury that acted up whenever she was hit in just the right spot.

"Lay down on the bed, on your belly," Wolf smiled.

"Fuck you," she said calmly.

"Oh come on, what am I going to do? I'm sure you could break my neck no matter how I'm on you. Just lay down on your belly, that's right." He crawled onto her bed, onto her, sitting just on the small of her back, tail wagging before settling on the back of her left knee. He leaned forward, retracted his claws from his paws and took gentle hold of her shoulders.

"Massaging doesn't work on me," she muttered. "Can't be hypnotized either. Mewtwo tried once." Wolf leaned forward and took hold of the back of her head, gently burying her nose in the pillow. Dexterous thumbs worked this way and that, just beneath the shoulder blade under the protruding bone. Applying pressure, he felt the muscles in her back loosen beneath his sensitive pads. She was always so tense. He could see it as clearly as anything else. She needed to loosen up if she ever wanted to overcome this nagging pain.

"Alright," she admitted. "That does feel good."

Wolf's tail wagged as she shifted under him, resting more fully flat. He stopped putting his weight on his knees and rested on her, though she didn't seem to mind much. Now that she was relaxed a little, his paws moved lower down and began massaging her ribs, kneading the tight, toned skin like dough. When he started on her spine and the base of her back, he was fairly certain she would turn and crack him across the jaw, but she just sunk deeper.

"Where do you learn to do all this stuff?"

"Back when I was a kid, we didn't have fancy medicines. Kinda had to learn what pressing what felt like. When my dad broke my arm, I had plenty of time to learn pressure points." She was aware that Wolf cut off her tank top, starting at the back of the collar and working his way down, the sharp claw cutting through the cloth without resistance, tracing on the skin but not drawing blood. She didn't stop him.

"Is there anything you can't do?"

"Lick my elbows," he offered. Extending the claw of his forefinger, he gently poked her spine and broke the skin. "This should unlock your ninth chakra, and then you'll attain inner peace. If you want to roll onto your back, I can starting working on your stomach. Helps with digestion."

"Don't push it," she muttered.

She felt his weight grow heavier as he leaned forward, his snout sniffed at her bare skin. He noticed the spot of broken capillaries and slight purple breaking the monotony on the peach canvas, the start of a bruise. He was tender in touching that, rubbing it, and taking note of how Samus shifted. It would be easier if her ears moved or she had a tail, but he could more or less tell if he was touching the right spot by how she shifted.

"If you ever mention this to anyone," Samus started, but Wolf put pressure at the top of her right shoulder, near the neck, and he eased her back down to the pillow. "That does feel good."

"I know, you already said that. I'm sure that we can find some way to repay this little debt you're working up. Come on Samus, people spend hundreds of dollars to get massages like this. Oh, stay down." He pushed his thumbs to the top of her spine, where it fused with the skull. "No money. I just want to share your bed. You can sleep under the covers and I can be on top. I just hate having to sleep on the couch."

"If I wake up and you're snuggling close, I swear to god you will go through the window."

"What if you make the first moves?"

"Why would I ever do that?"

"I don't know, but it's going to be a long night."

**I've wanted to have Wolf kiss Link since the first chapter of ****Of Men and Mewtwo****, but for the life of me, I just couldn't work it in. Even the hugging incident in ****Halloween Havoc****, kissing was a step too far since they still needed the working relationship. I'm probably going to get a letter from the LGBT, and I'm sure my more homophobic readers will be marching to my house with pitchforks and torches, but by god it's worth it.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Quick PSA: Pae, has started writing a fic: The Pokemon Princess Bride. I love it. It is incredible, to say the least. And i would strongly recomend everyone to check it out.**

_Chapter 5_

"You know, if we are in a slasher film, last night makes you just as likely to fall victim as anyone else." Wolf rested his chin on Samus' shoulder, absorbing the aroma of her hair. Her natural scents, laced with Head and Shoulder: Citrus Breeze shampoo. He managed to hold that position for only a moment before she pushed him away. One would think that after such an intimate few hours, she would have gotten used to the warmth of his fur, the moist rubbing of his nose as he took in the spice on her neck, but she was still self-conscious, still jumpy at the slightest touch. Rather forcefully, she pushed him away.

"So by your logic, I've survived Ridley, the Metroids, Mother Brain, Kraid, Ridley in robo-form, the Phazon, Ridley in Phazon-form, Dark Samus, the X, Ridley in X-form, and the SA-X, but I'm going to get killed by a sexually repressed psycho in a mask?"

"I guess now Nana will have to be the last girl. Course she already fit the bill for the screaming innocence who matures by the end but is never mentioned in any of the sequels because she doesn't catch on with the audience."

"Wolf, for the last time, we are not in a slasher film."

The Arbiter was not accustomed to knocking on doors, so he should have been forgiven when he opened the door to Samus' room and walked inside. He managed to say, "The Pichu has been poisoned," before a side table clock screamed through the air at his head. He ducked without much of a problem, standing back up, as Samus threw Wolf onto the ground. She wrapped herself in the bed sheet. Shamelessly, Wolf stood up and began looking around the floor for his pants.

"Arbiter, you really should knock. Suppose Samus didn't have me shielding her from prying eyes."

"I haven't any interest in human women, brother. Is she human?"

"I don't know, Samus, what are you?"

"Part human, part Chozo, and part Metroid."

The Arbiter shook his head. "It seems that a measure of cleaning product, I would guess ammonia by the odor, was poured into the Jigglypuff's cake batter mix, or the frosting, or the cake after it had been baked. By chance Pichu had a slice first. Ammonia is a regent that anyone could get to under the sink, untraceable. Of course, it could just as easily have spilled into the cake batter, completely by accident, when the R.O.B. was cleaning the floor while Ms. Peach was cooking."

"Of course," Wolf snarled. He pulled his shirt over his head, then sat down on the ground to pull his boots on.

"If foul play is involved, given that the targets have consistently been pokemon, I would suspect the human called Red. But because of the highly hostile nature of the attacks, the human has been exonerated of my suspicions. His motivation would be capture, where as the motivation for these attacks appears to be death. We are dealing with someone of pure evil."

"So what, Kirby and Sonic are out."

"I wouldn't dismiss Sonic," Wolf said. "He's got a dark side that's just waiting to come out."

"The Pichu is fine, by the way," Arbiter muttered. "He is having his stomach pumped, and the diabolical, cat looking thing will be with him all night. This assailant seems to know when to strike, what the victims respective weaknesses are. The Mewtwo was attacked, not directly, but through the use of an endless supply of androids. The Lucario was attacked when he was exhausted from his meditative regime. Someone poisoned the Jigglypuff's cake, it was only by chance that the Pichu ingested it. We are looking for someone keen to pick out weaknesses."

Samus turned to the lupine. "Sounds kind of like you."

"I wish it was me, then I would know who it is and I could stop myself."

"I think I may know," the Arbiter said. That was a lie, he hadn't any clue, but misdirection was something useful, since he wasn't actually sure that he could trust Samus.

"Who? I've got a busy night. I would like to get the lynch mob organized before dinner."

"I would rather not say until I am sure. I know you, brother, I don't want your wrath to befall someone undeserving."

"No one in this mansion is innocent. If we don't lynch them for one thing, I'm sure there's something else. Or we could have a preemptive lynching. I'm sure Link will piss me off in the next few days."

"Samus, would you please make sure that Wolf does not harm anyone. I'm certain you can find some way to keep him preoccupied."

And the Arbiter left.

---

"Hello Mr. the Arbiter!" Nana shouted. Even before the Arbiter turned, he felt a tugging up the length of his arm, followed by a weight settling on his shoulder, and a warm embrace on his neck.

"I was looking for you, little sister. You seem to be blessed with observational skills, and your innocence lulls men to show their truth colors."

"Well, I do what I can," she chuckled, blushing. The Arbiter was not a small creature, even by the standards of the smashers. Similarly, Nana was quite small. She could sit easily enough on the Arbiter's broad shoulders.

"If the strange, yet perfectly explainable, accidents that have befallen Mewtwo, Lucario, and Pichu over the past few months had in fact been foul play, who would you suspect?"

"I already told you, Jigglypuff."

"The hair?"

"No, the hair doesn't help matters, but she's awfully shifty. Like, even before the Mewtwo thing, she never, ever came out of her room. Wolf can't grow suspicious of her if he never sees her. Not to mention all that time in her room, she would have lots of time to read Sabotaging a Simulator for Dummies. And Lucario passed out and fell off a waterfall. Lucario doesn't pass out, but if a certain balloon pokemon were to sing him a lullaby. And there is Pichu getting poisoned."

"But Jigglypuff would have been poisoned had she eaten her cake."

"But Jigglypuff always starts her meal off with a sample of everything. Why, on that one day, would she decide to finish off her ice cream and all eight Twinkies, while not touching the cake?"

The Arbiter thought to himself. "Why wouldn't you tell Wolf about any of this?"

"No one listens to me, I think its cause I'm just a kid. I used to threaten to blow up the mansion and everyone just continued on their way. But you listen. I love you Mr. the Arbiter." She hugged him again, stratling his shoulders and holding him tight around the neck.

"You are a very strange creature," the Arbiter noted.

"I learned strangeness from Mewtwo. But he doesn't call it strange, he calls it unique. He says its good."

"That is nice to hear, would you please go back to your room." He hooked a finger in her hood and gently placed her on the ground. "I am going to have a word with Ms. Jigglypuff."

---

The Arbiter tapped the frame of each door, counting the off until he reached the designated room that belonged to the pokemon.

"Ms. Jigglypuff?" he asked.

There were four sets of doorknobs on any given door, each at various heights. The lowest one, closest to the floor, was the one that turned.

"Who the hell are you?" she asked.

"I am the Arbiter, a comrade of Wolf. Would it be alright if we have a few words?"

The pokemon waddled out of the doorway, allowing the Arbiter to stalk inside. Every piece of furniture was miniaturized, the Arbiter was very careful where he stepped.

"What would you like?" Jigglypuff asked.

The room was awash with the color pink and the smell of sweetness. A big screen television and countless boxes of Twinkies and candy wrappers, as well as a karaoke machine hooked up to said television.

"I just wanted to make sure that you are alright. That was a close call, with the tainted cake and all. Wolf requested my presence so that I could investigate the rash of accidents."

"Bout freakin time!" she shouted. "I'll tell you what, I think it was Link."

"Why is that?"

"Link is awfully protective of his little princess."

"Yes, I have heard that. But the friendly must never be excused. The happy and blissful, the ones you feel that you can trust, they are the ones who are most often holding a knife behind the smile."

"Are you implying something?" Jigglypuff asked.

"I am voicing my suspicions ma'am."

Jigglypuff inflated to about double her size. Eyes slit into an angered glare. "What suspicions might those be?"

---

Samus kept her door locked the following night. Link's door was open, but Wolf was fairly certain that the elf was waiting with his precious sword tight in his grip. Nana had been enthusiastic about offering her room up, but that somehow struck Wolf as creepy. So he spent the night on the living room couch. Far from the worst night he'd ever slept through.

Sometime in the morning, early enough that no one else was awake, he went into the kitchen to find something to eat. It was dark, and the sleep in his eyes didn't help matters much. There was a dim light above him, and the refrigerator had a light bulb, so he could see the leftover pasta from the prior night. He knew that the forks were kept in the draw, three steps to the right and just above his hips. He settled down at where he knew the kitchen table was, but touched something firm. He rubbed his eyes, brushing the white muck onto his gloved finger.

"I gave you my bed for a reason, Arbiter," he muttered.

That the kitchen table could support the alien's weight was nothing short of miraculous. He sat up, rubbing his head, and Wolf noted that he had lost his helmet.

"Hungry?" he asked, holding out a forkful of pasta.

"No. Ms. Jigglypuff certainly has a powerful right cross."

"Yep, you wouldn't think that a pink piece of cotton would have any muscle behind her. Why were you talking to the jiggly one anyway?"

"Nana seems to suspect her of misdoings."

"Why the hell would Jigglypuff want Mewtwo dead?"

"That is the mystery, isn't it? However, given her immense hostility when confronted with an accusation, I would not put it outside the realm of possibility."

Wolf huffed. "I'll go talk to her."


	6. Chapter 6

**Possibly the last chapter I'll ever right in the SSB fandom. Well, no, but I'm going to take a break. I have one thing planned; hopefully I'll get that underway within a month or two. This is such a stupid chapter, for such a stupid story, but I have had a blast with it. Just enjoy the ride. Thank you, everyone who has been supporting me. You're reviews really helped.**

_Chapter 6_

"Jiggly, open the door."

Wolf knocked as hard as he could, and when that didn't work, he winded a foot back and kicked the thick wood with all his might. His ankle nearly cracked. A howl echoed through the halls. He stumbled back, favoring his now throbbing legs and snapping and cursing, claws scratching at the wood. "Jiggly, open the door or I'm going to get the chainsaw."

Locks tumbled and hinges creaked. Jigglypuff had already inflated about three times her normal size by the time she stepped aside and allowed the lupine to walk in. Wolf didn't notice as she calmly locked the doors.

"Jiggly, I'm going to ask you one very simple question. Did you or did you not attempt to kill your fellow pokemon over the course of the past few months?"

"I did," she said calmly.

"Alright, that's all I wanted to hear. Why did you lock the door?"

---

In Wolf's prolonged absence, the Arbiter had decided to taste the pasta, and found it to be quite delicious, far better than the usual MREs he usually had to eat. Even with the war over and him returning to his home planet, he lived alone, and he was an atrocious cook. He finished the leftovers before the rumbling in his stomach ceased, and went over to the refrigerator to find something else.

"Where's Wolf?" Samus asked, coming into the room.

"He went to speak with Jigglypuff about some of her suspicious behavior. He hasn't come back yet."

"Why would he want to speak to Jigglypuff?"

"I'm not sure ma'am, I imagine you are more familiar with the affairs of your compatriots than I could be."

When the phone rang, Samus didn't immediately move to get it, so the Arbiter walked over and took it off the receiver, answering with a cordial, "Hello?"

"Hey Arbiter," Wolf said.

"Where are you?"  
"Look outside."

The Arbiter sighed, walking to the nearest window. "From what little I've learned about the Captain Falcon, I would guess he is going to be extremely angry when he finds out you're driving his Blue Falcon."

"I'm not driving the Blue Falcon. Jigglypuff is. She's holding me hostage. She has a gun to my head."

"Is this a joke?"

"Why would I joke about something like this? Jigglypuff, say hi."

"Hi Arbiter," said the syrupy, sugary voice, with a certain high pitch one would associate with the effects of helium. "Wolf's telling the truth. I'm holding him hostage."

"Why are you are holding Wolf hostage and driving around the mansion?"

"Because, I need respect. I deserve respect. I…"

"No, Ms. Jigglypuff. I am not referring to your actions, or your motivations for taking a hostage. I am asking why are you driving around the mansion? I could easily borrow a rocket launcher from Mr. Snake and blow up that vehicle."

"Yes, but then you would risk harming Wolf."  
Samus snatched the phone away. "I fail to see the problem."

"Luv," said the phone, Wolf now talking. "Do me a favor, don't blow up the Blue Falcon. Just go find Mewtwo and Lucario and the others. I can handle this."

"Oh, because you're doing such an amazing job, getting taken hostage by a balloon."

"Samus."

"Alright," she said, shaking her head and handing the phone over to the Arbiter.

"Wolf, are you still there?"

"No, I went to go get a pizza. Are you fuckin stupid?"

"Ms. Jigglypuff. May I ask why you have taken my comrade hostage?"

"Why?" she demanded. "Why?"

"Yes, that is what I am asking." The Arbiter calmly opened the kitchen window and leapt down to the ground beneath. Off in the distance, he could see the Blue Falcon speeding along the perimeter of the mansion. She was simply driving in a circle, no plans to escape. Not that there was any place to escape to. The mansion was in the middle of nowhere. Perhaps had she stolen one of the space ships she would have had a chance, but apparently only the captain was dumb enough to leave his keys in the ignition.

The Blue Falcon was speeding along as the Arbiter took a position in its path. It didn't stop or slow, and the Arbiter's eyes couldn't penetrate the mirror sheen of the cockpit's window, and he recalled the time he had been hit dead on by a Warthog. How that had hurt, laying on the ground. His armor had taken most of the impact, but it was a long time before his hearts stopped skipping beats and his lungs remembered how to work.

It was a slight movement, but at the last moment the Blue Falcon reared ever so slightly to the left, whether from Wolf grabbing the controls away from Jigglypuff or Jigglypuff lacking the stomach to splatter the Arbiter on the windshield. But it reared aside, and the Arbiter extended a hand and gripped a protruding edge. It spun and shook violently as the Arbiter struggled to get a good hold, then shift his weight so that he was spread over the window. Cocking a fist back, he punched into the durable, shatterproof glass. It didn't shatter, but splinters appeared in the polish. He punched again, this time his fist penetrating the glass. The Blue Falcon's breaks screeched, and the sudden halt threw the Arbiter along the ground until he finally came to rest a distance away.

He pushed himself up, shaking a few kinks out of his neck and shoulders. Wolf kicked a boot through the cracked glass and climbed out as well, a bruise here and there, and minus a few patches of fur, but otherwise fine. He reached in and pulled a mumbling Jigglypuff from the driver's seat, before kicking her so hard she flew a good ten feet through the air before rolling along the ground.

"Well, that wasn't blowing it up with a rocket launcher," Wolf admitted, stumbling a little. "I think I may have internal bleeding."

"Is there a reason why Jigglypuff took you captive?"

"Of course there's a reason!" the pokemon shouted.

"Did you eat the last donut, Wolf?"

Samus, with Lucario and Mewtwo in tow, came out of the mansion.

"Its there fault!" Jigglypuff shouted, stumbling along. The Arbiter found himself wondering if she actually had bones to break. His skeleton was quite flexible and sturdy. He was bruisded, but the addition of his armor kept anything serious from breaking.

"Jigglypuff, I honestly don't care," Wolf muttered, playing with one of his dislocated fingers, letting it hang loosely out of the socket then shaking his hand.

"I've been here since the beginning," Jigglypuff continued. "I've been fighting and clawing and winning. I don't mind playing second fiddle to Pikachu, but then Mewtwo comes along and everyone loves him. Everyone cheers for him. And he's not even that good! Then he gets the pink slip, but now Lucario's here. That's why I did it. They don't deserve to be in my tournament. They don't deserve to have any fans when I don't have any, when I'm just a joke. Everyone think I'm just an air head. They aren't so smart, or strong, look at what I did! Me! I did it all! Everything!"

Wolf shook his head. Finding his blaster on the ground, he lifted it to his eye and fired, hitting Jigglypuff square in the face. "Man she gets annoying. I liked it better when she was hiding in her room."

Wolf didn't notice when Jigglypuff recovered. When he turned back, he didn't see her lying on the ground or running towards him, so he assumed she had just passed out, so flat on the ground he couldn't see her. Had he looked up, he would have seen a pink balloon dive bombing him. He only felt her when she smashed into his chest.

He flew far back, far farther than he ever would have thought possible, save if he were struck by Ganandorf and his glowy purple punch thingy. He fired his blaster forward, then up, both times the hot blast grazed past Jigglypuff's feet as she inflated higher. She dove down with a kick that Wolf barely managed to block, and landed on the ground just long enough for her to wind a fist back and hit him square in the gut. How such small, scrawny limbs could pack such a punch was beyond him, but he reeled forward, wheezing.

"Do you require assistance with the small, pink balloon, brother?" the Arbiter asked. He was struggling not to laugh at the predicament.

"Would you like to fight her?" Wolf said, backing away. The good thing about fighting her was that her style was mostly off the ground, floating so she would be about eye level with Samus. That did allow her to strike with a flurry of punches and kicks, far faster than anyone else, but the bright side was that she was the perfect height for Wolf to claw.

Strike after strike, blow after blow. For the first time Wolf realized he had never had a match with her, and was completely ignorant to her strengths and weaknesses. For the first few moves of the fight, he was overwhelmed. When a normal fighter would duck and attack his stomach or legs, she jumped high into the air and smacked his skull or yanked at his ears. When he expected her to block, she absorbed the punch and flew several feet back. Wolf didn't realize, but that was a trick. It took him moments to reach her, and in that time she had inflated to double her size. Her voice was a deep baritone now, smooth and soothingly deep. Opening her lips, she began. A soft, soothing melody, gentle, mild, calm.

Wolf stopped running towards her, and instead checked his flightsuit, at last uncovering a pair of foam balls. He yawned once and stumbled a little, as he rolled them between finger and thumb, working them into a large ball, and sticking them into his ear. It took a moment for the foam to expand and fill his ear canal. He had to slap himself across the muzzle just to stay conscious, and when that didn't work stuck a claw into his belly, the sharp pain warding off the approaching sleep allowing with a loud howl.

Wolf may never have seen fought with Jigglypuff, or even seen her fight, but Red had told him a very interesting little tidbit. Once a Jigglypuff started singing, it couldn't stop to take a breath; it couldn't stop until someone passed out, either the opponent or herself.

The earplugs didn't completely keep the soft lullaby out. The deepness vibrated through his bones and he stifled another uncontrollable yawn. Jigglypuff was at normal size now, still exhaling the song, but there was panic in her eyes as she kept up the melody. Wolf smacked himself again. He started yanking at his ear until the skin started to tear.

The Arbiter watched the absurdity of the fight, and made a mental note to never ever come back here again. At least when Samus, with Mewtwo and Lucario in tow, came wandering out, he had someone to talk to.

"What are they doing?"

"I have no idea," the Arbiter admitted. He wasn't sure who was winning. Jigglypuff was half her size, and looked something like a deflated balloon, shriveled and wheezing and still forcing air out of her oversized lungs. The Arbiter concluded she didn't have bones, only a diaphragm the size of a space ship. Wolf was bleeding from constantly jamming his claws into his body and plucking out strands of fur. Even now, he was on his hands and knees, yawning and trying to keep from rolling onto his back. The Arbiter wondered why he hadn't just ripped off both ears, it seemed to fit Wolf's style. He also wondered if he should go and aided his comrade in this battle, but that didn't seem honorable. The lines had been drawn, and only if Wolf was defeated would he intervene.

Jigglypuff turned a shade of blue before collapsing onto the ground. Once did she inflate, taking a deep breath, and the Arbiter thought that she may not be defeated. Rather, she collapsed into unconsciousness breathing several more heaving breaths before settling into a normal rhythm. Wolf managed to pump his arms in victory before collapsing himself.

"What just happened?" Samus asked.

"Apparently, it was Jigglypuff who attempted to murder the pokemon. She felt that she wasn't gaining enough respect, and by removing her fellow pokemon from the tournament would achieve it."

"That is the dumbest logic I have ever heard," Samus muttered. She squatted before Wolf, and rummaged through the flight suit, at last finding his lighter. She picked up his arm, and held the sparked flame under his leathery palm, burning the skin until he woke with a howl. "There wasn't an easier way?" he demanded.

"The question that must be brought up is punishment," the Arbiter said, checking to see if Jigglypuff had passed. "Attempting to murder your fellow Sangheili is a crime punishable by death in my culture."

Wolf shot blast into the stirring Jigglypuff. "I don't want to have to kill her. Lucario, 'Two, why don't you just beat the crap out of her until you feel you have been avenged?"

Lucario and Mewtwo looked to each other, shrugged, and approached.

---

"I got to admit, I never thought it was Jigglypuff," Wolf admitted the following day. The amount of wounds he had suffered over the past week meant that he wouldn't be competing any time soon. He was more bandaged than furred, the white wrappings a stark contrast to what little grey spilled out. He also kept passing out, the reason of which wasn't known.

Jigglypuff was worse. Perhaps letting Mewtwo and Lucario have five minutes to do anything they wanted to an unconscious puff ball wasn't the best idea but as Wolf explained, they had to wipe the slate clean. Sure, Jigglypuff was still pissed, Lucario was still pissed, but the simple fact was, most of the smashers didn't like each other. No one even cared about Mewtwo enough to push some sort of other course of actions. "Its just the way life goes," Wolf said with a keen smile that convinced Samus.

The Arbiter sighed. "Let me make something clear brother, if you ever ask me to come here again, I am going to kill you."

"Well, hopefully Jigglypuff won't try anything stupid. For a while at least. Seriously, she has her fans, I don't get why she was so pissed. And it is pretty cool for her to have taken out both Mewtwo and Lucario, she's got a brain somewhere in there. Besides, it wasn't all bad, was it? Nana seems to like you, and can you really say you don't like her?"

"The child is…interesting," he admitted. "Never contact me again, unless your life is in danger. Even then, I can't guarantee that I will come. This whole thing was just a big waste of time."

Wolf watched as the alien left through the main door of the mansion, and climbed into a small interplanetary vessel that would carry him back to his home.

"Well, that was an eventful week," Samus said.

"Yep," Wolf nodded, as he followed her back to her room. "Arbiter is right. This has all been a huge waste of time, but by god, it was fun while it lasted."


End file.
